There are moments in life when we have to take difficult decisions. Decisions that we know will drastically impact our life or the ones we love around us. It can be a decision whether to take a new job, whether to continue with a relationship, or maybe a decision to drastically change one’s life. How do we take those decisions and how do we gain the clarity what is the right way to go ahead?
My view is that although facts are important when taking difficult decisions, clarity of mind comes from within and requires us to become aware and transcend our conditioned thinking and fears to develop a clear sense of direction.
Facts or gut feeling?
We have been traditionally educated to take important decisions, weighing all the pro’s and con’s, putting all the facts on the table. Definitely important to be aware of the facts and possible consequences of a certain decision. However, often the nature of difficult decision is such, that one cannot decide by mere facts. Why do we call decisions difficult? Because there are feelings involved.
Sometimes these are emotions. Sometimes these are gut feelings. A feeling that you need to go in a certain direction, but you do not know why. And often everything is present at the same time, making it hard to see the trees through the forest.
I remember a few times in my life that I had to take a difficult decision. Once was when I decided to quit my job in Holland and move to Hungary, to follow my heart and live with the man I was in love with.
Once was when I decided to refuse a job offer, a job that was responding to my university education. A job that I really needed at the time, but it did not feel right. Once was when I decided to leave Hungary and needed to decide in which country to settle down (I had several choices).
What was common in all those cases is that my final decision was not taken with my head. In fact, in all these cases, there was a process where I had to let go of my rational mind and went with what felt right. To an outsider these decisions might in fact have looked totally irrational. However the moment I took them, it felt right, and there was no doubt in me left anymore.
And in each case, in hindsight they were the best decisions taken. For example, when I refused the job offer, a few weeks later I had an offer to start working at the EU Delegation in Hungary, which has been totally life changing for me as more than 20 years later I am still working for the EU.
As Apple’s late CEO Steve Jobs once said, “You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.
Destiny or active choice maker?
Are we destined or are we actively determining our path? The answer is that we are both. A lot of our choices are determined by our way of looking at the world, the way we have been educated, the experiences we have had, what do we consider good or bad.
For example, I grew up in a middle income family. My father was a civil servant, my mother worked in several often service jobs. My father always told me about the importance of finding a fixed job, preferably in the public sector. No risk. Even though I was not necessarily inclined to follow all those advices, it put a limit to what I saw possible for myself.
Where we grow up, what we have experienced all will become part of who we are and what we see possible for ourselves (or not). Some of these experiences might be very subtle. Certain experiences mark us so much, for example a negative childhood experience, or a toxic relationship, that they determine the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Through our unconscious behaviour we keep on attracting similar experiences. For example, if I believe about myself that I am not good enough it will be expressed in my behaviour or the way I show up, which will keep me in a certain self-determining cycle. In the yogic tradition this is what is associated to karma. Cause and effect.
The more we let go of those patterns and belief systems, not only at the level of the brain memory, but also cellular memory (body), the more we will be able to live life at its highest expression, and the more unpredictable and exciting life becomes as well. We no longer attract the same situation, but we live according to our full potential and expression of life. Life starts expressing through us, instead of us trying to control something that is not controllable.
So what could help us to become that full expression of life?
The answer is to always lean in the direction of growth. Inner growth. Peeling off all those layers of beliefs, conditioned patterns that keep us repeating the same experiences. Questioning all that we hold as true. Is it really so? Could the opposite also be true?
Starting to tune in with what is present within. Breath and meditation exercises can help reduce the constant turmoil of thoughts and a better use of the full brain capacity. Connecting with nature, or expressing through art can also be ways to become more in touch with what is really alive inside (behind the constant chattering mind).
Bringing in more heart wisdom. Deep connection with other people for example through circle practice can be very powerful way to connect to what is really alive inside.
Making use of full body intelligence.
So what withholds me from doing so?
The answer is fear. When we take decisions based on fear we limit our choices. We limit ourselves to the facts that are known to us. These facts are our own experiences or what is commonly known. We might be limiting ourselves out of fear of what others think of us, or how our environment might judge our decisions. We might limit ourselves because of the uncertainty the decision will bring. We might stay on in a situation that is just right, and we justify for ourselves that just right is good enough.
Whatever it is, an important step is to become aware of our fears and become aware how they colour our decision making. Talking helps to uncover certain blind spots.
Yoga can help to strengthen the system, unleash any stored bio memory or trauma, and strengthen the optimal use of the body (including brain functioning) and energy that will help to gain more clarity and go beyond one’s fears.
Then once one has the facts, one has the self-knowledge, one goes within to sense (i.e. not to think) what is really needed right now. What life requires right now, and then often total clarity arises.
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beautiful insight and elegantly written...what holds us back and why we should let go. Most importantly, how to let go and live the life we dream of.